Yeah, I’m talking to you, you sneaky bastard. Way to blindside me. I just freaking love having a cough, a stuffy nose and sweating from the heat at the same time. Everyone knows they call it a cold because it’s only supposed to happen when it’s COLD outside. A summer cold? It’s an oxymoron and it’s just plain bullshit.
Summer cold, you are a douche.
Bunny is a year old now. I didn’t talk about it much here, but it has happened and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I am not in denial about the time passing by, I just do better when I don’t dwell on it, KWIM? I will admit she is so much more fun now, so much more fun than the little potato I brought home from the hospital. She was this tiny little squishy person, so vulnerable and needy. For weeks all I could do was stare at her in disbelief that she was mine, that I was finally a mother. I seemed to cry every day because I could not contain the joy that filled my heart.
At almost 35 and having been married for 10 years, I was at a point in my life where I wasn’t sure I would ever have kids…God, what I would have missed out on. Every cliché you hear is true—They’ll change your life, you’ll never be the same, you won’t know what you did with your time before you had kids…true, true. Every word of it is true. We were so ready for her to be here. I know it was ‘our time’ to be parents.
I am not a very religious person, but not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for allowing me this privilege. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Bunny, but I am so glad you are here. Because of you, I am a better person. I hope I can be the mother that you deserve. I hope I never let you down. You have changed me forever, my sweet girl, and I am so honored to be your mom.
Then and now:
It just hit me—I am the mom. I am the one that gets to do the things no one else wants to do. Remember all the shit your mom had to clean up? Yeah, that’s me now. Dog shit, boogers, barf…you name it. Remember that shit you would walk by and pretend you didn’t see? Yeah, that’s my husband. “What? I didn’t see it.”And I believe him—god bless that fucker, it’s like living with an idiot savant. He can get through med school but he doesn’t know where the forks are and he certainly never knows when he spills his coffee…every morning…on the floor…drip frickin drop. The coffee drips aren’t the problem today. No, today I discovered something extra sucky. An entire bottle of creamer spilled down the back of my refrigerator and is now a sticky pool of pestilence underneath my vegetable drawer. Just once I would like to be the person that didn’t see it—just keep walking. But no. I’m in the Mom National Guard and when the shit hits the fan, I get called to duty.
Gahh. This blows.
On occasion, I like to get a buzz. Please don’t judge me, I’m just being honest here. I love to feel floaty and euphoric—I don’t think that makes me a bad person and I am certainly not the only one who feels this way. I think the fascination with altered states begins when we are babies and only gets more serious when we switch from spinning around in a circle to oh, say…vodka.
My kid is obsessed with altering her world. She loves it when we spin around in the office chair. (Yeah, remember the thing you could NEVER do as a kid? Why the hell not? The chair was made for spinning for fcuksake! Well, being a grown up has only a few perks and IMO this is one of them. I bought my own office chair and I spin in it whenever the hell I want to, so SUCK IT, Uncle Norm.) Bunny also flings herself backwards every chance she gets because she likes to be upside down. Yeah, thanks Daddy. Maybe “Who is the Most Upside-Downest Baby?” wasn’t the best idea for a game. She has no concept that the laws of physics actually apply to her, so there she goes again arching back—you’d better be holding her with two hands or she will get a crash course in g = GM / (R + h) 2 .
So now she has started to do these little baby headstands and it might actually be the cutest thing on the planet—except she does it a LOT. Like maybe a little too much. Think about it– these are the little baby equivalent to shots of tequila and she’s doing at least ten a day! I think she is addicted to headstands and may need an intervention.
Maybe I should call Dr. Phil.
So many changes in the past week! My Bunny turned one 
I am still not sure how an entire year slipped right by me, but alas, it did. She was a hoot at her party and she impressed the crowd by systematically destroying her birthday cake. I would never have thought that she could eat the whole thing…that’s what I get for thinking.
Another change I beyond ecstatic to announce is– MY HOUSE IS EMPTY!! I have no house guests, no road trips and no upcoming parties. I am enjoying the peace and quiet today and even took a nap with Bunny. Why is it we look forward to friends/family leaving as much as we look forward to them coming for a visit??
